A Month

I apologize.
It's been a bit since my last post, but as you can imagine -- so much has happened.

Jac & I moved into the new apartment, and we just came back last week from Sardegna -- one week of vacation which is all we'll probably get until late fall. I was promoted, did I mention this? And life has just been caught up in that lovely whirlwind of change-all-happening-at-once. It really is true what they say about that.

So let's start from the start.

Sardegna: Put a Jac and a Kae on a motorcycle with a tent and just enough clothing to wear everything only twice and send them to one of the most beautiful isles of the meditteranean and you are asking for ... something. Most memorable moment was laying post-lovemaking in the tent while it rained listening to the rain and the agitated sea against the rocks just a toss behind the old blue fabric lighter where the sun has been burning it through for all the years of use and the dim light of the late afternoon and jac beside me and thinking "I don't think I could have written this better than it is happening".

And we saw some really pretty beaches.

Home: I am still having trouble conceptualizing why there is still a positive balance in my bank account whatwith all Jac and I have been spending, albeit less than we originally hoped to spend -- as we are using my old ikea couchbed (which is really just a mattress divided into two parts, not one of those fold-up contraptions) and Jac's old Ikea Klippan (nowhere else on earth do couches cost so little) -- both of which we hope to have the money to replace in the future -- but other than that everything surrounding us in new and fresh and just sort of adds to the experience, and that feeling flowing between us of a fresh start --- not like we needed one --- but it's nice to have one, and to share that. No more miccia corta. Lot's of disgustingly goofy and lovely dovey stuff going on. Stuff that'd probably make you gag. Oh yes and we treated ourselves to a 42" Plasma flatscreen. Did we need it? No. But sometimes you have to treat yourself to something you want...


Job: I now manage all my companies operations and get paid at a price that's right to do it. It means more responsibility. It means being superavailable for midnight cocktails with owners of big companies. But it also means having a more decided position in the company where I can glow, and for that i'm glad.

Various: The news has been too sad to watch lately (sampling: woman throws herself in front of the a train in rome -- 5th time this happens since i've moved here, accident that kills two entire families on the a4, accident today that kills two young children on the a14, both involving huge tractor/trailors, two plane crashes -- the one in madrid and the one in that country that begins with a K that i'm too lazy to look up right now and could never spell on my own). Jac and I watch the news frequently and often look at each other with a sense of fear that comes from living in a happy little bubble when you feel that disconnectedness from all the bad that is going on around you and a helplessness and a wondering of how long we can stay detached.

Not to end on a bad note, or anything.

So there it is. I've been having trouble finding time to write and i've been sleeping away afternoons but I'm happy.

The Miccia gets more Lunga

I am about to leave work for the day but I felt inclined to report that in 10 days Jac & I move into the house of dreams and these past few days have been really lovely with him, no needless angry outbursts :-)

We even tripped out to lake Martignano yesterday... it was a nice relaxing day just to two of us. Much needed.



Love is good.

La Miccia Corta

Living together is HARD.

I've told Jac that lately he's got a short fuse with me -- you know, a quick - to - anger attitude -- and basically that translates into "hai la miccia corta" which would be understood by an unknowing italian as "you have small genitalia".

They always take things so personally here.

I don't know. Jac is moody and I can't seem to do 100% of the things right in his eyes all the time --- but my saving hope is that at the moment we are not in an ideal situation... there are another 13 days left before we are allowed to move house so we've just got to find someway to survive the next two weeks without too much damage. It is looking to be difficult.

I just need him to humor me with a miccia a bit more LUNGA -- ya know?

Life goes on though. We neutered Flip this past weekend which has turned out to be a traumatic experience for Jac & I (sure we complain about how he claws at us and bites our feet... but we actually just really love him for the crazy cat he is) --- but we've been noting down to minute details any and all behavioral changes we believe have been brought about by the --- uh --- change. We want our Flip to be just as he was or would be...

But in the end we really did the right thing. We weighed the reasons for months before deciding. The new house has a garden that is really easy to escape from -- and we can't have him populating the neighborhood with little Flips, as cute as they would be -- Rome already has a HUGE stray cat problem -- and not enough homes to place them in--- best not to take part in producing more. Also because we want to get a little friend for Flip, a kitten --- which we hope to introduce a month or two after we move in to the new place. Cats don't like too much change all at once. And since it's going to be a female kitty we don't want any procreating going on there either.

And he'll be less likely to want to escape from us -- that's important.

So there it is.

Other things... i'm just tired and want things to stop HAPPENING for awhile so I can enjoy the summer. But with changes as work, which i'll elaborate on in a more appropriate moment -- seem to indicate that things are about to get crazier.

There's a whole summer ahead ....

Soldi

So. Upon the -shocking- recognition of just how much mtha-fr*cking soldi (money) we're going to have to pull out of our you know wheres to pay our rent for the next four years of our lives (not to mention to furnish the damn place!) -- i've been working in the evenings as a tour guide for my company to make some extra cash so I can still go out to eat 3-4 nights a week.

Yeah, you heard me right. Go out to eat. 3-4 nights a week. Which, when I think of it, is pretty incredible considering that is something i'd never do in the states. Once a week max. Perhaps some take out.

But i'm taking about restaurant dining experience, wine -- the whole sha-bang. And I guess we permit it to ourselves because we both have limited culinary abilities -- and the food is amazing here in the restaurants -- no canned stuff -- mostly fresh ingredients -- and since we don't club often or frequent bars it's just what we allow ourselves for our 'going out' times.

But we're probably going to have to cut back a bit. At least until we have a real couch.

In the meantime I am going nuts cleaning jack's place constantly. You'd be amazed at how much of a mess two people can make! But I am enjoying it -- I like the idea of 'taking care' of him.

The switch off is that he has to sweep and mop the floors and clean the cat's litter box. Garbage we take out together. Laundry sometimes him sometimes me. I do the rest.

I think that's fair. I hate sweeping.

A Separate Peace

Moved in to Jac's. All my few things tucked into nooks and crannies in his house. A candle on a shelf, a bra in the laundry, the medicine cabinet a bit fuller, new sheets. I'm trying to be discreet. I never wanted to move into his 'space' -- that can be dangerous. So i've limited my 're-decorating' to making sure the bathroom is clean and changing the sheets on his bed. I've moved a few things over. I clean a lot. I clean the kitchen every night, because i'm a disastrous cook so he takes care of dinner. We switch off on laundry. I try to not complain too much when he turns on the TV before, during and after dinner. It's nice but it's not our home. Home is 19 days away on a high-rent private street near Piazza Vescovio.

Apart from the lack of autonomy -- that being, Jac lives so far away that I depend on him to get home at night, besides I don't have keys -- we were enjoying this first month of semi-co-habitation. He tells me he doesn't miss his privacy as much as he thought he would. I think that's good news.

And so we beat on. Still no word on whether we can really afford a vacation this summer -- even if its in a tent -- or whether we can even afford the furniture we need to make the house liveable. But something always comes up. I'm doing some tours this month to make up for the new, higher budget. I'm thinking of other ways to bring in some money.

Mostly I just need a raise.

But thats another story.

Life is nice right now.

In other news, Flip lost his first tooth this week and Jacopo got slightly frustrated with me because he couldn't find the lid to a pot when he was making pasta because I put them away separately after doing the dishes one night. I picked up his dirty socks from the bedroom floor and threw them in the laundry hamper and he put the laundry out to dry. All experiences that make us feel a bit like newlyweds... and it's a warm feeling.

I wonder how it will feel when we actually are?

Sleep-in.

Wish there was something to say about the weekend but there is not. Jacopo was sick and so we stayed in, in bed, all weekend. I'm hoping next weekend we'll get out and into the sun --- though it's just a tad too hot out for comfort these days.

Still no apartment. Jac being sick hasn't helped -- as we haven't been able to make any appointments. Tomorrow out comes Portaportese, fingers crossed fingers crossed.

But as for a "what's been up lately" have I mentioned i've been living at Jac's place since July 15? I kinda just stopped sleeping at home entirely. And it is very lovely. But now we actually have to move my stuff, i.e. clothes and other items of living importance and try to make a 'place' for it at jac's place. That's going to be interesting.

One week of cohabitation and so far so good. We're not at each others throats.

Yet...

More interesting stuff to come.

Not so yummy in my tummy.

I have the half-inkling to lay off apartment-hunt talk until we sign a contract -- otherwise i'll just be dragging you all down with me through the continuous sludge of delusion.

So today I want to talk about my complex relationship with food.

I don't have the best one. Not that i'm unhealthy -- there are just a lot of things that I cannot or do not eat. Let's make a list shall we?

Most fruits: Unless it's a berry, and not poisonous -- it's going to make my cheeks and mouth turn red, itchy and rashy. Then, if the fruit is strong enough -- it starts to make my throat close. Funnn.

Many nuts: see above. Though peanuts seem to have a much milder reaction. Especially when all mushed up into lovely peanut butter!

All meats, with many exceptions: I consider my self a no-red-meat-a-tarian --- but I do, at times, as my only red meat exception, eat thinly sliced prosciutto, and only if I get every itty bit of fat off it ---- not because I worry about gaining weight but because I don't like the squishy texture. Also I can't eat much of it --- I taste the iron (blood, meat) too much (my palate is extremely sensitive to that taste) and it starts to make me feel sick. Tiny quantities.

White meat is another story. Basically I won't eat white meat unless its perfectly boned and cleaned of any sort of vein, skin or other ligament that serves as a reminder of its once-alive status. If it gets chewy at all I spit it out. It also has to be the color white. I don't eat pork (except see prosciutto exception above)

For example, i'll eat a nicely grilled chicken breast thats been cleaned well and doesn't have any ick to it --- or boneless chicken wings from a quality place --- but you won't see me touch buffalo wings -- or any sort of leg. Let's not even get into internal organs.

I like mushrooms, but I won't touch the italian delicacy "porcini" mushrooms, because my boss told me that often they have worms in it -- which is true.

There is no vegetable other than that which I will not eat. With the exception of those filled with bugs/worms and other squirming, moving things.

As for fish -- same rule about the "ick" -- if its got bones in it, or skin on it -- or -- and this is a common one here in Italy -- EYES on it --- then I don't want to go near it.

But I will eat a freshly steamed lobster and crack it open myself. Something about the hideousness of it makes it almost seem fake and when you crack it open it's all pretty and white.

I'll eat mussels -- but only if they aren't large -- meaning big and swollen like orange tongues --- and same goes for clams. You can never give me oysters.

I'm working on my relationship with sushi. Some of it is too squishy for me. And i've just learned to appreciate thinly sliced smoked salmon. It helps that it is thinly sliced.

I will eat a fillet of fish as long as it's all pure white.

With my grains I have no problems.

I'm banging this all out in type because jac & I got into an argument about it the other day --- he expressed his opinion that he felt my pickyness was me being child-like and not being open to trying new things.

I believe that my many taste 'aversions' are simply a psychological fact of me. Many kinds of food disgust me, but not because i'm simply picky and don't care to try.
I've tried many of these foods and they make me sick to my tummy. I understand that is a psychosomatic reaction, but I also accept that it is not something I can change without a really good psychologist perhaps? Any way I can't change it on my own by just 'making an effort' as Jack touted I should do --- it's simply who I am. And I don't believe i'm a defected person for it. And I don't really believe there is anything abnormal about it. And I don't believe I should have to change it -- even though I understand at time it can be a frustration to Jac or others around me.

What do you guys think?

Talk, talk, talk.

I've been waiting several days to have 'a talk' with Jac about a few things that have been bothering me. I managed to get most of them out in an hour long cell-phone conversation on Monday night that ended up costing me 10.00 euro and instead of trying to resolve anything then and there we decided it would be better to talk in person about it.

But that seems to be lost on us, as i've seen him twice since that conversation and it seems my worries have righted themselves just by virtue of me mentioning them.

To a mixture of math and circumstance I ended up at his place last night -- and we ended up having a really nice, connected, peaceful and pleasant evening together -- even though the pasta con pesto we made was disgusting and I had one of those "my head is about to explode into a million tiny pieces" headaches.

Sometimes just talking is a way of resolving.

Even if you've never reached a spoken resolution.

Today Jac is going to tell "Le labbra" (this is what we call the evil landlady because she has very obviously been taking collegen injections to her lips) that we cannot pay more than 900,00 and if she wants to give it to us for that we will take it.

We'll see. We're pretty "deciso".

Update on Flip

It's been a while since i've spoken of the cat.

And i'd like to let ya'll know he's gotten HUGE and beautiful. We've got him eating science diet "Hill's" which is super-de-duper fancy scientific cat foody stuff -- so his coat is super slick and shiny and black and his greenish-yellow eyes are big, piercing and curious.

He loves to surprise attack from behind doors as we enter rooms, has figured how to open up every damn door in the house and when we come home from a long day at work he likes to be picked up and cradled like a little baby while he purrs and arches his back.

He has a love for all things wires and has a little stuffed cat toy he ports around in his mouth wherever he goes and that he loves to play (gasp!) fetch with.

At night when we try to read he plants himself between us and our books and purrs until we cuddle him and stop reading. He bites our feet when they stick out from under the comfortors and when he's very sleepy he'll climb into the tiny space between Jac and I as we sleep and pass right out.

He's a lovely cat.

I can't wait to get another one :-)

Jac is kind of holding off on the idea but I shall have my way!

Oh, wonderful.

I've been sick with a cold all weekend so despite my best efforts, and tons of optimism -- I didn't get to do much of anything.

There was a rather lively lunch on Sunday at Jac's parents place with his french relatives. Halfway through I joked to him "So is this was our family dinners going to be like?" -- imagining my american relatives and italian kids.

But my kids will be tri-lingual.

But let's not talk 5 years down the line.

So the appartment situation is that after a failed attempt to rent the little apartment for a more reasonable price (the one the con artist showed us -- we got in touch with the real owner) -- we called back "The Lips" i.e. the owner-ess of the original apartment we saw and liked -- the empty one with ugly tiles.

But it's our best bet. And I kind of like the idea of having an entire apartment, completely filled with all hand-picked IKEA furniture -- according to our specific tastes.

I've never had that before.

So we talked to her but she says she has someone interested and she is waiting for them to bring in a pay slip -- and so she can't tell us anything until Wednesday.

So Wednesday, if she says so--- the place is ours and we can start fixing it up to hopefully move in by July 1.

If not, we'll just say it wasn't meant to be and Friday its back to the torn n' tattered pages of Portaportese.

Apartment hunting in Rome is so stressful.

I just want it to be over so I can start the fun part :-) -- interior design of my first "real" home!

Exciting.

Another day, another dollar, another wall, another tower...

So this weekend is a big mess.

I had hoped to go to Chiara's (a friend of Jacopo's) bachelorette party on Saturday, but then my boss throws a fit and insists that everyone show for the Dark Rome company dinner on Saturday night -- which I cannot say no to, also because they've been talking about it for weeks and so I don't really have an excuse.

So I tell Jac that I am going to the dinner and not the bachelorette party and he throws a bit of a fit -- and I can see a bit of where he is coming from although he doesn't have a right to take it out on me -- because it's been a long, hard bumpy road from day 1 between my friends and his friends -- he's never really become fully integrated into my group and i've not intergrated into his ... and so when I go out with him and his friends I often find myself a bit quiet and isolated -- making a HUGE effort not to cling on to him and a lot of the time being a bit bored or just not following the conversations-- and when he's out with my friends and we speak English he's in the same position as me, although its a lot easier for him because most of my friends also speak Italian fluently. But I understand the difficulty.

Anyway this bachelorette party was a really nice opportunity to go out with this group of girls, who, even though i've seen them fairly often at parties and the like throughout the year, I never really got to know -- and would like to get to know better --- and Jacopo would like for me to get to know better so as to eliminate a bit of the awkwardness that often accompanies my presence around his friends.

But alas this dinner gets in the way. I hope there will be other opportunities.

In the meantime, however -- I don't think Jac really has a right to comment negatively about my (forced) decision to go the dinner instead of the bachelorette party --- he seems to want me to believe he thinks that i'm avoiding that opportunity -- because I prefer to be in the company of my own friends, where I feel more comfortable.

Which is simply not true. But Jac, once you get an idea in his head --- its a long hard road to changing it...

So today I come up with a brilliant idea and decide to split my time between the dinner and the bachelorette party. I put this idea to Jac. Is he happy? NO.

He goes off about he "doesn't understand how you manage to get yourself into these situations where you want to do everything and you end up doing nothing!"

Jaw drops here.

Excuse me?

That's new news, he's never said that to me before -- and to be frank its not a very nice thing to say. Now he is right to say perhaps it would be difficult and a bit tiring to go to both and it would be nice of him to appreciate the effort I am willing to make or at least support me in it.

But he must criticize.

He is NOT right in saying what he said -- but upon second thought I realized that doing both would mean me leaving the dark rome dinner at 11:30PM, about 30 minutes before the time im normally in bed and asleep -- so to go to the bachelorette party at the time would kind of be absurd. Even if I managed to make it to 1AM.

So I got mad and now I am just going to the dinner and i'm left in a bad mood which will somehow tonight have to be righted but a good conversation with Jac about some of these out of line comments he makes --- which just has to happen because disagreements between us never last overnight.

Thank god.

I believe we are both in a bad bood because of the hoax apartment.
This morning I bought PortaPortese --- and we saw a new ad for the other apartment we were about to take before the hoax one come into the picture.

Tonight we will talk about whether we want to go back to that option or not.

I hope so. I really can't wait to get out of my current living situation.

It's really unbearable.

Last Train to Lisbon

Tomorrow afternoon Jac, Emma and I catch a flight from Fiumicino to Lisbon to spend four lovely days as guests of the Italian embassy there, as Emma's father is the Italian ambassador to Portugal.

Monday there will be a big party for the embassy to celebrate Italian liberation day.
I'm not even sure what Italian liberation day is all about -- but I do know that it means that Jac & I get to dress up all fancy. And that's all that matters.

This past month has been a real dream, between finding our apartment -- Jac's surprise birthday (went very well, he liked his gifts) -- this trip to Lisbon ... normally i'd be worried about something awful happening to balance out all the great stuff. Unfortunately that came yesterday, in the form of a trip to the doctor and the forboding shadow of a simple outpatient surgery in a few months. Keep in mind i've never so much as had a stitch. Much less been in a hospital for any length of time.

So thats the bad news. But I have a whole beautiful summer before I have to think about it, and there is a slight chance (very slight from what I understand) that it won't have to happen at all.

Fingers crossed.

For now let me just think about beautiful Lisbon. Post soon to come.

La seconda chiamata / The Second Phone Call

We've found our apartment ... and we are moving in the first of July.

And it isn't the first one we saw that I wrote about.

It's all because of a second phone call. But let's go back to December 2006 for a second (pun intended).

Basically, I was looking for work -- and I snagged a total of 2 interviews (work is hard to come by here, no matter how well qualified you are). One of the interviews was for the company I am working for now: Dark Rome Limited.

I had a bad feeling from that first interview interview. The position was as a tour guide and the man who interviewed me, now my boss, Simone, -- told me that I shouldn't expect to make more than 600 euro a month. I didn't expect that I got the job. However, he called me a few days later to ask me if I wanted it.

I said "I don't know" and told him I was waiting on a second interview with another tour company "Through Eternity". He said ok and told me he'd need to know within a few days if my mind was made up. I understood at that point that in reality, I had lost that job opportunity.

When I bombed the interview with Through Eternity -- which has promised much, much more money -- I didn't know what to do. My sister was getting frustrated with me and started to demand I call Simone back and ask him if the job is still available. I postponed, procrastinated and just about every other p-word in the book until finally I cracked, embarassed and called Simone back.

But the tour guide position had been filled.

However, he said, come meet up with me tonight at San Andrea della Valle -- you can take one of our tours and we can talk about another job opportunity.

I didn't understand but I said ok, and went.

We sat in McDonalds for this second interview. He needed an Admin. Also 600 a month, 4 hours a day. I said screw it, I need the money and took the job.

When I arrived at the office it was just me, Simone, and a dream for a formidable tour operator in Rome.

Today I am a full time manager for a sister company of Dark Rome -- doing creative work in a fun and growing field, with a highly competitive salary for my age and for Rome, with a blackberry (I know its stupid, but it makes me happy) and a powerful laptop I can bring wherever I like. I have tons of autonomy and we have now grown to an office with over 10 full time staff, almost 20 guides and even more coordinators and other staff working on the field. And I had a hand in hiring most of the people I work with today.

All because of a second phone call that my sister made me make.

So, this lesson learned -- when a landlord stood us up for an appointment to see what was a seemingly impossible apartment -- and we were pissed off and didn't even want to bother with a second appointment -- I made Jacopo make a second phone call.

And that second phone call led to a second appointment today.

And that led to us falling in love with house #2.

It's perfect in many ways, with minor defects -- but its got a gorgeous panoramic terrace with views of the mountains off in the distance --it's quite cosy-- bathroom done in new tiling -- clean with a new shower -- all already furnished -- new washing machine -- condiminium fees (which include heat and hot water) included in the rent. The bedroom is bright and airy -- the place is filled with light.

The downsides? The living room is small and is a combination living room and "kitchen corner". The apartment is also inside a larger apartment which gives it a strange comunal feel. Our terrace is attached to the one next to it by a flimsy wall ... but that can be fixed.

And.. really .. who the heck cares? The rent is 650 euro. In Rome -- thats IMPOSSIBLE for a place like this.

Did I mention it's about two blocks away from my current apartment? And that I can still walk to work? And that i'll have quick access by Piazza Bologna metro to the city center?

This place cannot be more perfect.

The walls are flawless. There is a small flatscreen TV included. The landlord is a nice guy who doesn't want to overcharge. He knows perfectly well how much he can snatch for this apartment. But he isn't in the business of ripping people off. He appreciates finding the right person(s), quickly, who will stay a long time.

That would be us.

Tomorrow we call him to confirm our interest, and then, calmly we set up an appointment to make a 4 year contract.

Just to think, tonight we had an appointment to discuss the terms of the contract for that first apartment we fell in love with in Montesacro -- to close the deal -- which we were fully prepared to and expected to do -- all if it hadn't been for the appointment this afternoon!

I feel like i'm dreaming.

Imagine if that second call was never made...

That Elusive, Perfect Apartment

Jac & I started seriously looking for apartments on Saturday (meaning, calling, making appointments, going to see them). And, strangely enough, we fell in love with the very first one we saw. Or well, at least HE did.

Basically consists of an entrance, large bedroom, bathroom kind of fugly (it doesn't get much worse than large black and white tiling) but large none-the-less, large living room and a decent size kitchen -- also done in ugly tiling. Then, to top it off -- a HUGE terrace. Huge. (Hence the "he fell in love part"). I'm in love with everything BUT the tiling.

We made an offer right away to take it from 1 August but that is going to be difficult for us (Jac technically has to pay rent until November at his current apt.) -- but Jac thinks it is worth it.

The only problem is that it is "VUOTO" which means: it's got 'nuttin. Not a piece of furniture. Nuttin'. Not even a damn kitchen. And "elettrodomestici" or electro-domestics (i.e. Fridge, dishwasher, washingmachine, oven, stove etc.) + delivery and installation would cost far too much -- far, far, too much. And we don't really want to invest in something that we might have to leave behind (I mean, who takes a kitchen with them when they leave!)... And this is a rental.

So we are going to make another offer to pay a slightly higher rent if the landlady agrees to pay most of the kitchen (we'd offer to pay delivery and installation).

Fingers crossed.

I never imagined this all happening so fast.

We spent all of Sunday afternoon in Ikea after Roma lost the scudetto.

It makes us happy :-)

The Great Effort

Before I met Jac last year I was convinced that to make any relationship work would require some huge, gigantastic effort. I looked back on my past failures (and my dear lord, what failures they were) and I saw what I should've, could've done differently. Most common among em'?

1. I told him too much about myself, too soon.
2. I didn't give him enough breathing room.
3. We he pulled away, I tried to hold him tighter.
4. We got physically intimate too soon. My fault, of course.
5. I fell for him too fast.

etc. etc. You get the picture.

So I was convinced that I needed to pull out all the stops and concentrate on controlling myself -- the effort all from my part of course --- day-to-day bartering and rational-ing and holding back -- and just some general "I know i'm right but i'm going to keep my mouth shut and let you think you are right because I really don't feel like fighting right now and in the end it doesn't matter anyway"-ing would need doing.

Worst advice. There is no sooner path to pure hell than this one -- and you will end up with nothing -- and having said nothing -- and nobody knowing you because everything that defines who you are that doesn't fit into the cookie cutter shape or what and what not to do and say will remain hidden to the rest of the world -- and most importantly to the person with whom you could be sharing a happy relationship.

But for a long time, I went for this stuff. I fell for it. I just wanted to be good at it .. you know? The whole girlfriend thing. And who doesn't love a good self-help book, or article...

SO where would I be without the wisdom of online blogging and article-writing king and queen know-it-alls of all things love. Love advice. Sex advice. How to know if he's going to propose to you advice. How to make him love you more advice. How to pretend to love him less advice. How to freakin' drop his ass advice.

I've read lists of red flags that read like grocery shopping lists -- and I swore by all Things and Gods of Love that I would step right out the door should one of them come glaring my way, attached to an otherwise perfect-seeming man.

I consumed these love/life/dating articles and advice on the web like a hoarding squirrel (msn.com and tangomag as first pit-stops)-- trying to train myself to be the perfect girlfriend -- do the right thing always, say the right thing always -- ... and, well, to be honest -- the prospective looked quite daunting. And just overall really exhausting. And not at all appealing.

But as I said, this was before I met Jac.

Not that there haven't been moments in which i've felt the temptation to reach for my toolbelt-of-internet-love-advice and pull out some quick-fix to make things better. And not that i've never gotten some good advice that hasn't come in useful. But in the past year -- a not always easy year -- but definitely not a difficult one -- i've learned how to put all of this into perspective.

So what i've learned:

Above all things, it is absolutely essential to find someone who's inner-programming fits puzzle-piece-like into yours. And i'm not talking about similar interests or religions or what have you. But it shouldn't be DIFFICULT make it work. Really, it should just work.

Being with Jac isn't difficult. I'm not exhausted nor do I make a herculean effort each day to make sure our relationship is happily heading down the paved road of perfectness -- and we haven't had to make any special against-our-will effort to keep things alive -- our character traits do that for us, we don't need to do it conciously -- but we're concious enough to know when the unconcious is taking over the concious and we need a whipping back to reality. That usually comes in the form of a much-needed fight. And fighting is good -- especially when the inner-DNA-programming quickly turns you mushy and forgiving-ful. And when you don't get too dirty. With Jac, this happens regularly. That's one good advice -- never go to bed mad. We don't. But that's because of who we are -- we don't WANT to. And neither one of us needs to convince the other.

And I get how difficult this is to find. Which is why i'm particularly grateful to have found Jac and that he's found me --- I don't miss the crazy emotional intensity of my past relationships (I nearly moved to Switzerland and got married for Chrissakes -- to someone who I had spent less than 1 months overall time with and didn't know at all) -- but I am enjoying the deep, moving, intense emotion I am feeling for Jac that doesn't need to manifest itsself in 3AM phone calls or trans-atlantic fights -- in fact -- the non-passion-craziness is what lets me sleep sweetly at night, at a reasonable hour, after our goodnight on the phone -- the few times we aren't sharing a bed per week. And i'm happier. And I don't lack anything.

The point i'm getting to -- is that -- for whoever of you out there is beating themselves up for what they are doing/could have done/shoulda woulda done right or wrong in their relationships -- past present or future -- I just want to say -- be yourself and let your inner-programming play itsself out because thats the only way you will be able to see how well you fit -- in the world and in your relationship.

I'm really just starting to figure it out.

And that's not advice.



**note: I still do find myself, at least once per day -- reading 5-10 articles on love advice from various dubios sources. I just try not to take it all so seriously...

The World in Short

So much going on the in the world. Myanmar is destroyed by a horrific cyclone putting the death tolls way over comfort level (not that there is ever a comfortable level...) Austrian dad Josef Fritlz locks his 18 year old daughter up in a cellar dungeon for 24 years and fathers 7 children by her without anyone knowing, not even his wife... Billary continues to pursue the by now hopeless Democratic nomination -- which is making it increasingly difficult for her to bow out with grace... (I support Barack Obama) Roma is playing into the last game of the Scudetto after miraculous results yesterday between Inter and Siena (they tied -- Inter, if the earth has been spinning in the correct direction yesterday, would have won) and Rome ousted Atalanta 2 to 1 -- and noone can sleep well for an entire week because next Sunday, if Inter ties or loses with Parma -- and Roma wins with Catania -- well all-party-hell will break loose in Rome and you can expect to see some crazy pictures posted on this spot. The last time Roma won the Scudetto was 2001.

So all of this is going on and then there's little ole me in the world and my goings on and it's May and today Jac is going to sign/send the letter of "disdetta" (a letter you send to show you intend to end a contract) for the contract of his apartment -- so we can finally finalize the move-out date though we are open to any way of moving in together sooner. We're in some strange sort of hyper-in-love phase -- I am not quite sure why -- maybe it is because tomorrow we celebrate the anniversary of our first year together or maybe it's because we get how damn lucky we are to have found one another -- we've spent this entire weekend sort of reveling in that feeling and talking about our new apartment and plans. I am happy.

And then there is also the trip to Lisbon at the end of this month -- whooohooo! Plane tix are bought. We are leaving Saturday afternoon the 31 of May and will be back the evening of 3 June. I hope to do a lot of small trips this summer-- Jac and I have mostly decided to not do a summer vacation this year -- we're going to need the money to furnish the apartment and get settled in (we want an empty apartment -- a lot of apartments here are already furnished with old, ugly, out-dated, dusty furniture -- and we are faithful worshippers of IKEA). So it is kind of sad but considering that this means we can take a lot of smaller less expensive trips it's not so awful -- then for our winter vacation we'll go somewhere nice and sunny to make up for it (Cuba was thrown out as a possibility).

Yes, yes. I am happy. Life is good.

October

October 2005 -- The Spaniard and I "break up". My December plan of moving to switzerland and teaching english while getting a masters degree? Out the window. New life plan -- finish school, save $, get the flying F**k out of America.

October 2006 -- I leave America, for good. Oddly, by boarding a plane heading towards Madrid, where the Spaniard is waiting for me at the airport. That, as we all know, doesn't work -- and i've been living in Rome since.

October 2007 -- I decide Rome is IT. I'm here, i'm staying. This leads to me beginning the search for a semi-permanent room, further from the center, big changes at work (restructuring, promotion, new office etc.) and the decision to go back to New York -- my once home -- as a foreigner, for a visit.

October 2008 -- (about) Moving in with Jacopo.


Notice a trend? If something big and life-changing is going to happen -- it usually chooses to poke its head out in October -- so when Jac told me yesterday that his apartment contract says he needs to give 6 months notice to move out ... and I counted that from April 1 -- that means the move in date is October 1. I wasn't surprised, and oddly amused.

I wonder what else October will bring?

Moving In.

So I made that whole, lovely to-do post (leaving out minor to-do's like go to Rocca di Papa and find the hill that your car, if placed in neutral, will roll UP instead of down) but this weekend was unable to knock any off the list--- but it was a good weekend anyway.

Sunday we ended up driving out to a town in the Castelli Romani and having a birthday-lunch for Jac's nonnina (grandmother) with his whole family. Fresh air, lots of green, pan-views and high bridges. What a Roman weekend outing is made of.

After returning home for a cat-nap (literally - CAT nap -- Flip plopped herself belly-up into my arms and fell asleep and Jac and I ended up passing out ourselves for a few hours) Jac and I decided to go out on the town -- ended up at "Bafetto" a famous pizzeria in the centre, and over our 4 euro yummy, paper-thin margherita pizzas and two bottles of nastro azzuro national beer we starting talking about moving in together.

And as of last night I officially have his go to start looking (slowly) for an apartment :-). To share that is. With him.

Now, I've never lived with a man before (though i've come close)so this is a rather large leap-step... it also (sort of) solidifies that fact which I am really trying my best to avoid admitting or even thinking -- which is -- i'm here, in Rome, and -- i'm not going anywhere.

Home.

So driving up along Villa Borghese at about 10 p.m. last night, it's dark and it's green and the sky is blue-ing between the naked trunks of the cyprus trees and i'm sitting in the passenger seat of Jac's still new-smelling Ford Fiesta... and i'm not knowing exactly where he's driving me yet but given that it's Sunday and that it's the end of the weekend -- I get that he's driving towards home -- my home -- my 20 sq meter white walled room with my plants and my balcony and my old wood armoire, my empty room, my cat-less room, my jac-less room ... because we've been together since Friday night and that's what you do when you've been together since Friday night -- but I can't help myself and I ask "Dove andiamo?" (Where are we going). He repeats my question with a silly voice -- because it's a silly question -- I know -- and then tells me that Good Kids go to BED at this hour, they go home, they get under the covers -- but my covers haven't been slept in for a while and I think of the empty room and I say "Oh" and sit in silence for a minute or so before saying "Posso dormire con te stanotte?" (Can I sleep by you tonight?) And he responds with a quick sharp and joking "NO" but then asks if I really, really want to and with the voice of a 3 year old I mutter a vulnerable "Si"... and we make a quick turn and soon we are heading north, heading home, his home, our home, where Flip, our cat, is curled up on the couch waiting for us -- that familiar black Ikea couch and that TV I hate so much and the table where we eat together -- and his room, our bed, and sheets that have that wrinkly warm slept in look to them -- and there's Him and so it's even warmer than just that and I think how sad the night can be when he's not there and how unnatural it feels to think of heading somewhere else where he isn't and i'm glad I don't always have to go somewhere else and hopeful one day I won't ever have to go somewhere else ... it's possible that i've found home --- in that cat, in those sheets, on that couch and in that glass-topped table --- but most of all... in him.

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Sick Days

Last night I went to Jac's -- he's got the measles -- apparently due to something having to do with an "autism scare" related to the vaccine which lasted for about a decade and so many were not vaccinated with MMR (Measels, Mumps and Rubella) and the booster. But me, I was vaccinated and boostered to boot within the first year of my life and so now can address my nursing duties worry-free.

I left him (Jac) there (home) this morning. He keeps changing color. When I left he has just changed from green to pinkish-blue. I didn't want to leave but i've got work and I don't think that "my boyfriend is sick" is going to get me a paid sick day. No matter how long my boss and boy have known each other (15 years).

But now Flip is taking care of him.

Flip is great -- but he's a scrawny little thing and he's probably not eating half of what he should at his age and i'm not sure what exactly to do about it. We're bringing him to the vet soon as Jac gets better. He's got most of the signs of a good healthy kitty except for the ultra-scrawnyness -- which, since Flip's mom is a bit scrawny herself -- I hope is just normal.