Home.

So driving up along Villa Borghese at about 10 p.m. last night, it's dark and it's green and the sky is blue-ing between the naked trunks of the cyprus trees and i'm sitting in the passenger seat of Jac's still new-smelling Ford Fiesta... and i'm not knowing exactly where he's driving me yet but given that it's Sunday and that it's the end of the weekend -- I get that he's driving towards home -- my home -- my 20 sq meter white walled room with my plants and my balcony and my old wood armoire, my empty room, my cat-less room, my jac-less room ... because we've been together since Friday night and that's what you do when you've been together since Friday night -- but I can't help myself and I ask "Dove andiamo?" (Where are we going). He repeats my question with a silly voice -- because it's a silly question -- I know -- and then tells me that Good Kids go to BED at this hour, they go home, they get under the covers -- but my covers haven't been slept in for a while and I think of the empty room and I say "Oh" and sit in silence for a minute or so before saying "Posso dormire con te stanotte?" (Can I sleep by you tonight?) And he responds with a quick sharp and joking "NO" but then asks if I really, really want to and with the voice of a 3 year old I mutter a vulnerable "Si"... and we make a quick turn and soon we are heading north, heading home, his home, our home, where Flip, our cat, is curled up on the couch waiting for us -- that familiar black Ikea couch and that TV I hate so much and the table where we eat together -- and his room, our bed, and sheets that have that wrinkly warm slept in look to them -- and there's Him and so it's even warmer than just that and I think how sad the night can be when he's not there and how unnatural it feels to think of heading somewhere else where he isn't and i'm glad I don't always have to go somewhere else and hopeful one day I won't ever have to go somewhere else ... it's possible that i've found home --- in that cat, in those sheets, on that couch and in that glass-topped table --- but most of all... in him.

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