Dog Days

I sit,
sipping on my
orange-juice-stonybrook-farms-plain-yougurt-fresh-strawberry-and-frozen-banana
health shake
(the remainder of which coats the bottom of the blender on the kitchen table),
musing over the past 48 hours
and my keen knack for doing 180's
and leaving deep track marks
where i've dug-in and spun on my heels,
wondering whether or not
the waitress at the diner this morning
appreciated my transciption of Keats'
"This Living Hand"
onto my placemat to accompany the tip,
wondering why this is morning two in a row
that i've woken up still fully dressed from the night before,
why i've not hesitated
to book myself out for tonight as well,
knowing, full, full well
that I begin class three (The Victorians)
tomorrow morning at 8:30AM
and that all of this booking my time up
is a poor excuse
for not thinking about the fact
that i've broken up with the Artist
for reasons that are slightly less pressing in retrospect,
but pressing none-the-less,
and wondering if Fitz and I
will actually make it out to Montreal next weekend,
where the hell i'll be in a month,
if i'll ever see Anya again,
if Ma~ will ever come home,
if Andrew will ever disappear,
if people ever really change
and why I hate my country so much.
I'm thinking about
Jen and Dan
and whether or not they'll be happy in Indiana
because it's so flat
but I think they will,
especially with a hound adorable as that,
and I bet they will invite me to their wedding
and I think i'll have to fly in from somewhere far away to get there.
I'm thinking about Lake George
and hoping i'll see it again before I leave
and thinking of the pictures I took when I went
with the Artist there two days ago
realizing I still have no pictures of us together
kind of like I have no pictures of Andrew and I together
which makes it easier to pretend like it never happened
because there is no proof
and memory is tricky.
Damn this shake is good.
I'll be right back, i'm going to pour in the rest.
There was a lot left.
And the banana is still chunky.
I wonder when this laptop will finally put out on me for good.
And if i'll ever be able to afford a new one.
And if there are any new job postings for writers and editors
on the Craig's List for New York City
if Ian will make it out here from California
if i'll visit Michelle in Boston
Maybe Ma~ and I can hitchhike there some weekend
it's something i'd like to try.
I took a long nap this afternoon
still dressed in what I wore out last night
I need to shower.
I don't know why I wrote this in poetic verse
Maybe to make it intelligible.
Ok, time to shower...